Pregnancy Week 22

I’ve felt some movements! At least I hope that’s what they are. At first I didn’t pay any attention because they feel so much like the kind of muscle twitching I often get from ME that I just ignore. Regular, insistent twitches. Then someone told me that’s my baby having hiccups!!

I’m still having the best run of energy in over a year and I want so much to make the most of it and get things done before the exhaustion of the 3rd trimester sets in. Even though I have regular “crashes” when it seems that whatever hormone is giving me this boost has finally exhausted my metabolism, they haven’t lasted more than a day or two at a time. I actually had a dream that I’d got to the labour stage without any problems whatsoever and it was all a breeze. I’m noticing the bump getting in the way now when I bend over. Next week is the second scan.

It’s amazing to be feeling this well, though not quite well enough to really enjoy the autumn. I’m witnessing changes of colour on the trees through the patio doors. It brings on my yearly longing for crisp walks among rustling yellow leaves, or evenings venturing out into the dark wrapped up warm for bonfire night. Every year I go through this disappointment as hope and the reality of winter with ME clash. Every year for 15 years I've assumed that this year would be different and better than the last. That's ME for you - a permanent deferral of hope. But this year I feel almost resigned that those dreams are never going to happen yet it’s OK because instead I’ve got a baby on the way. It's like I can finally change the record of heartbreak and live life as it is.