The Birth 4 - Advice for Afterwards

LEARN AS MUCH AS YOU CAN ABOUT BREASTFEEDING BEFOREHAND

I missed out on the breastfeeding class run by my hospital because it was far away, went on all day, and my husband couldn’t drive me there. But I wish I had been able to because although I was lucky enough to have a private session with a breastfeeding counsellor after the birth, I was just too exhausted and confused to take it all in. The session on breastfeeding in the NCT antenatal classes was not very comprehensive. There are so many things I wish I’d known.

Like: if you plan for your partner to give one bottle feed during the night it’s best for that feed to be around 3 – 4 am, rather than earlier because at around 11pm is when the hormones that stimulate milk production are at their peak. And breastfeeding produces those hormones. So feeding around 11-12 at night protects your milk supply better. Not breastfeeding at this time of night is one of the factors that can affect your milk supply. And being worried about not having enough milk is very stressful!

If you’re planning to give a bottle at night from day one learn, or more importantly, get your partner to learn how to cup feed. This is a method that doesn’t require the baby to perform any sucking action so she won’t get confused between teat and nipple. It’s very time consuming but worth trying for the first two or three weeks for that night feed instead of a bottle until breastfeeding is more established. That way you’re not worried about a bottle compromising your baby’s learning process.

I hadn’t planned to give a bottle at night for the first couple of weeks but it turned out there was no way I could feed through the night. I needed those 5-6 hours uninterrupted sleep.

Expressing milk with a breast pump. I did this at first for the bottle feed that M gave at night. I used an electric one. But in the end I abandoned it as I found it physically and mentally draining. There are so many new routines you HAVE to do with a new baby and I found that spending my only spare moments of energy and mental space attached to a droaning machine was not the best use of them. I really gave myself a hard time about giving up, which was so silly. One formula feed per day is so insignificant when they’re getting all that breast milk the rest of the time.

Try to ignore the extremist side of the breast-is-best campaign. They will shudder if you mention bottles or formula. But they don’t understand what it means to have ME.

TRY USING A RING SLING

I didn’t know about these but several mothers with ME recommended them to me later on. They allow you to have your baby close to you and breastfeed without you having to hold them, apparently. I couldn’t hold Sofia while she fed and relied on several cushions to bring her head up to the right position. But I found it such a drag getting all these aids into position every time and then having to heave her on top of them. I would dread feed time coming up. Whereas ideally breastfeeding should be “on demand”. That means done spontaneously at any moment. I can see that having Sofia strapped to me and therefore in position to breastfeed at any moment would have made a big difference.


BOTTLE FEEDING IS A VALID ALTERNATIVE

There’s so much pressure put on mothers to breast feed that you can feel inadequate if you don’t, either because you can’t or chose not to. That’s really sad.

There are advantages to bottle feeding for mothers with ME. The obvious one is that the feeding can be done by someone else whenever you choose, or need, to have a rest. It takes up less time. Babies often take up to an hour to breastfeed and then demand more 15 minutes later. So it’s impossible to pace yourself. As a PWME pacing myself to get through the day was second nature so I found it really hard not to know when or for how long I could rest between feeds. It’s easier for babies to feed from a bottle than breast so they take in more in less time. And so it’s easier to space out the feeds at regular intervals because you know how much they’ve taken in by the measurements on the bottle. With breastfeeding they might have been at it for hours but only had a small feed and be hungry again soon after. You never really know.

I placed overwhelming importance on breastfeeding BECAUSE of having ME. So many other maternal duties – changing nappies, rocking baby to sleep etc – were often done for me by others when I was too exhausted. Breastfeeding was the one thing only I could do for Sofia and that made me feel indispensable to her. I thought that without it I wouldn’t feel like a proper mum. I now realise that was the wrong way of looking at it. When Sofia was three months old I had to stop breastfeeding for medical reasons unrelated to ME. I was gutted and felt bereft about it for weeks. I felt I’d lost that vital bond with Sofia, and as a consequence a part of myself as well somehow. Now I look back on it a year later, it seems crazy that I thought that not breastfeeding would affect my relationship with Sofia. The wonderful thing about having a baby is that through those first months and years your bond grows as they grow and you start to communicate in so many rich and varied ways. Yes, breastfeeding is bonding, and yes, it’s healthier for babies’ immune system. But in the bigger picture of your developing relationship with your baby and your child it’s only a very small component.