Mother's Help or Nursery/Childminder?

For us, having a mother’s help twice a week for 3 or 4 hours each time cost the same as having Sofia in a subsidised nursery two full days a week. Initially I thought the mother’s help must be the better solution. Why send her away if I could have her at home with me where most research said was better for her development? I’m glad I tried it out while we were waiting for the nursery place to come up because now I feel differently. And if there ever was a decision to make about mother’s help vs nursery, Pauline made it for us because she left suddenly, without any notice, to take up a full-time job, four weeks before Sofia was due to start nursery.

It was great to have that practical help with chores and to know that Sofia was getting out for some fresh air. But having a mother's help didn’t give me the mental break I really needed to recharge my batteries. Although I had physical rest, the hours that Pauline was here were spent constantly keeping an eye on what she was doing, how long she was taking, agonising over whether to hurry her up or suggest she do things differently, or leave her to her own devices. It did give me more energy to interact and play with Sofia but I felt watched doing so in our small, open-plan flat. And I felt somewhat uncomfortable about being laid up on the sofa a lot of the time and giving orders. I constantly felt aware of not appearing to be a proper/normal mum, ie hands on and active and in constant physical contact with my child.

Those were all my problems, not Pauline’s of course. She never said anything inappropriate or questioned me. But I was perpetually trying to keep a grip on the situation and feel in charge of what Sofia and Pauline were doing, in order to make up for my lack of physical competence. And that made me feel a lazy, bossy mother! I know these are general issues in people management, of which I had almost no previous experience. And with hindsight I would try to do things differently.